When the only thing stopping you, is you...
You CAN get out of your way!
I’ve been there...and it’s terrible. Self doubt and anxiety so crippling you feel frozen in worthlessness and fear...even though you know better.
Whether it be starting a new project, taking a risk, speaking up, being vulnerable, or even sometimes just getting out of bed, there are days/weeks/months when your thoughts and emotions seems to be stuck on a downwards spiral of not good enough.
You know it’s untrue, but at the time, it feels almost impossible to break free, when the one you are fighting is in fact, yourself.
But you’re not alone in this feeling, and you will overcome. Even if you have to do it over and over again, like I seem to. I am still learning, but here’s what I’ve found tends to help.
Redirect your thoughts, stop thinking about yourself. Turn outward, instead of inward. The world is so much bigger than you, and you have an invaluable, irreplaceable role to fill. There are people who need you! Friends, family, strangers. You have an impact on others, and that is so important.
Take the pressure off yourself. There is nothing that can stop God’s plan for your life, and you’re not big enough to mess it up.
Reaffirm yourself, remember who you are: “I am loved. I am strong. I am cared for. I can do this”.
Stop comparing yourself to others. You are not them. You are you, and the only one who is you. You are unique, unlike any other, with gifts, talents, and a purpose custom made just for you. Comparison is the thief of joy, and stems from insecurity. Ground yourself, you are no more or less than anyone else.
The confines of the world are only man made, and also be man destroyed. Thinking, “I can’t do that because I don’t have this” is a toxic way of thinking. Rules are broken all the time, norms are shattered, and new things are always being born.
You do not have to understand it all. I am prone to trying to figure things out and find reasons for everything. But there are so many things that cannot be understood, and there is peace in accepting that
You don’t have to know it all. Sometimes it feels likes we have to know it all before we make a move or join the conversation. We stay where we are or we stay silent because we don’t feel qualified to take part. But the best way to learn is to get involved. No one knows it all, it is impossible. Learn while doing, don’t wait to get started.
Tell someone that you’re feeling this way. Don’t keep it to yourself. Get it out of you. Two are better in battle than one. Friends help remind us who we are, and that we are not alone. Feeling loved and cared for by is a great antidote for self destructive times.
The good news is that we always have the power to shift our perspective. Self doubt doesn’t have to win. Often the first step to change is simply believing it is possible - and it is possible to get out of our own way.
Just one step could change everything…
Mainly, YOU!
Have you ever felt stuck? I sure have. From my personal experience, there is no worse feeling than that of being stuck. Nothing is more discouraging than feeling trapped in a situation with no way out. And the worst part is, the longer you stay there, the harder it seems to get yourself out. The more you avoid taking action, the more impossible it feels to actually do what it is you would like to do. Feeling stuck can turn paralyzing.
The good news is, that we are never truly stuck, and certainly not forever.
The better news is, we can have an impact in our seemingly challenging situations. We can turn from our own worst enemy to our best ally, and it may not be as difficult as we think.
So how do we begin to take back our power in situations that feel like they have power over us? From my experience, it all starts with one step. One simple step is the start to walking away from a place of entrapment, and into a place of freedom.
One step can be the catalyst that launches into the change we so desperately hope for.
Sign up for one fitness class, and show up. Make one phone call to a friend, and tell them what you’re really dealing with. Read the first chapter of a book. Send your resume to one new job posting. Reach out to someone you aspire to be like and ask how he/she got to be there. Make the first appointment.
The “I can’t”s and “I’m not”s can not survive when you are actively taking action against them.
The power of one step lies not necessarily in the immediate outcome, but the overwhelming change in mindset, that changes us.
The shift of mindset from impossible, to possible. From feeling hopeless, to hopeful. From ‘out there’ to tangible. From sitting stagnant, paralyzed by fear and anxiety, to moving forward, empowered in your own ability to take action and create change in your life.
So wherever you are today, what is one step you can take to a better you? Don’t wait, do it. You got this!
25 things to learn by 25
A quick list of helpful reminders
1. Accept yourself as you are
2. Let go of people that you should
3. Spend your time on your passions
4. Love is always the right answer
5. Protect your mind
6. Setting boundaries not only helps you, but others
7. You will get what you have the courage to ask for
8. Not every one is going to like you, that’s okay
9. The best version of you isn’t going to fit into some people’s lives and agendas
10. No one can ‘make’ you, you control your responses
11. Don’t take things personally
12. Don’t worry about what other people think, they are thinking about themselves anyway
13. The best thing you can be in life is true to yourself
14. Challenging yourself is good for you
15. Do not wait for others’ approval to do what you feel led to do
16. It’s okay to be wrong
17. Rejection pushes you to better things
18. You can take a break, but don’t give up
19. Accept that things are always going to change
20. Appreciate the people around you
21. Live fully in the moment
22. Don’t follow society’s expectations or timelines
23. Believe in yourself more than anyone else
24. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh
25. Never forget what a gift it is to be alive
Moving forward, looking back
on a ferry leaving Seattle…
This weekend, work unexpectedly brought me back to Seattle, the city where I spent my college years - learning, growing, changing. There’s something special about coming back to place where so much life was lived.
It feels familiar and distant all at once. As I stood on the ferry drifting away from my former home, now covered in smoke, I couldn’t help but think about my time spent there. So many pictures hidden deep in memory found their way back to me.
The one conclusion I come to, over and over again, is that God is faithful.
He was then, and I have to trust, He still is now.
I think of the years I spent in this place, wishing…stressing, wondering if things would ever work out for me. If I would ever, could ever, be something...be someone. Make something of myself. I spent much of my time in this city confused, not knowing how things would play out or if my dreams even mattered, let alone could actually happen. Yet, here I am, a work in progress, but in many ways, living proof that yes, indeed, things do come together in time.
If I knew then what I know now...
I’d tell myself to slow down. To capture every breathtaking beautiful moment.
To soak it all in. To trust that God was working everything out behind the scenes, and all of the messy pieces of the puzzle would come together in time. I would tell myself that God can do more in a second than I could in a lifetime, so I should stop striving, stop stressing.
I would tell myself not to worry about the future, or what I was going to do after college, but to focus more on the kind of person I wanted to become. I would tell myself to be fearless in chasing my passions, and not to doubt myself. I would tell myself that missed opportunities are not the end, and stories beyond my wildest imagination are ahead of me.
And I would tell myself all of this, over again, years later, as I am here right now.
The lessons I learned are not to be left in the beautiful city of Seattle but carried with me into every new place and adventure I find myself in. I can trust who I know, the same God who showed up before will do so again. When the future seems daunting, scary, and unknown, I don’t have to live in anxious fear. I can relax, if I can only trust. So maybe I just needed a little reminder...moving ahead, looking behind.
When is enough, enough?
The curse of discontentment never ends, unless we can figure out how to break the cycle.
I feel like I have gone through my entire life, not ever truly content. No matter what I have or achieve, I seem to be one of those people who always wants more. I often wonder, when will enough be enough?
Will I go through my entire life never truly satisfied because I am reaching for some feeling of satisfaction that may not exist here on this Earth?
My feelings of discontent have stolen my joy and robbed me of celebrations. The problem with not being content is that you always think that the next accomplishment, success, or phase of life will make it better, and bring that feeling of having arrived - but it never does. You get accepted into that college, then you need a job. You get the job, but then you need a better job. You get a better job, but then you need a promotion, and so on and so forth.
The truth is, the curse of discontentment never really ends, unless we can figure out how to break the cycle, right here, right now. So how do we find contentment?
That’s probably one of the biggest questions of my life. For those of us who are never satisfied, when is what we have enough? Maybe the real question lies within - when are we enough for ourselves? Because if I am not enough for me - nothing I ever do or accomplish, or obtain, or build will ever be enough either.
I used to think that always wanting more and never being satisfied was a good thing. I mean, it motivated me to always be better and reach for higher goals. But, if I don’t learn to be content along the way, how much is ‘better’ really worth? It’s a vicious cycle that pushes you forward but doesn’t provide time and space for the peace and joy that is worth much more than achieving success you can’t fully embrace and enjoy.
I thought that it was okay to be hard on myself, because even if I was unsatisfied with myself internally, I wasn’t hurting people around me. However, that is simply untrue.
When I can’t learn to be content with myself, I can’t be content with anyone else either.
If I don’t know how to receive grace, I can’t give grace out to others. I can’t hold myself to an impossible standard and expect that there won’t be collateral damage to those around me, and the standards I am holding them to, whether I know it or not.
It’s the age old saying - you can’t love if you don’t love yourself.
When you’re not living in contentment, you’re often living disappointed. You finally get somewhere that you thought would bring contentment but the happiness doesn’t last. You get a salary you think will make you feel secure, but you soon need more.
Moral of the story, our contentment is not ‘out there’ hiding in any sort of future place that we might get to some day. It’s not hidden in a future partner, job, or dream.
Our contentment is right here, God-given, inside of us today, and it’s our job to take hold of it each and every day. My contentment lies in knowing my true identity - that I am already more than enough, because I was created that way by God. I have been created on purpose, for a purpose. I am fully loved, and there’s nothing that I can achieve or do that will make Him love me more.
When I accept my true identity, I am free from living in the bondage of discontentment and striving.
I am free to live in the fullness of peace, love, and acceptance. I have to choose to accept this love and peace for myself, and for those around me.
To be honest, even though I know where my contentment lies, there are so many times I still struggle with not feeling content. These are the times I have to come back to this truth. When the days sweep me into striving and achieving, I have to remind myself whose I am, and my invite value that already lies within.
Being content isn’t a one time decision. It’s a choice we make, over and over again, that who we are, where we are, what we have - is enough.
And as many times as we run away from that truth, it is always living deep within us, available for us to grasp, if only we have the courage to accept it.
Do you ever feel bad when something good happens to you?
DON’T!
As they say, we are blessed to bless again
This world is tough. Especially right now. 2020 has been filled with some awful things. Things that will shake you to your core and rock your world. Amidst all of the pain and suffering that is plaguing our nation, when good things do happen to us, celebrating can feel kind of…wrong. I find myself almost feeling guilty when anything good happens, because of the distress others are facing at the same time.
It is always a good time to be thankful for the things in our life that bring us joy.
However, it is not wrong to celebrate something good.
It is always a good time to be thankful for the things in our life that bring us joy.
It is always the right time to live with a grateful spirit.
Get rid of the guilt, and take on the responsibility.
If you are given something in life, whether it be a talent, time, money, a job - develop what you have to its full potential and use it to be a gift to others. We are all given a different lot in life and it doesn’t do anyone any good if we are constantly looking around, comparing - feeling superior or inferior, or bad about the good things we’ve been given.
In these difficult times, the world only needs goodness more. We need people who are willing to step up and use the good things they have to begin a ripple that will impact people for the better.
Your guilt doesn’t help anyone, your actions do.
Do not waste time feeling bad about the good things you have been given in life - use the good things you have to lift others up!
Feeling like a failure? Maybe you’re actually in the right place.
And I guarantee you are doing better than you think.
A little revelation I thought I’d share...I have really struggled with feeling like a failure. No matter the triumphs, I often inwardly battle with feeling under qualified, or like I am constantly trying to catch up.
The more I learn the more I realize how much more there is to learn, which makes me feel incompetent...like I have somehow dropped the ball.
But then it occurred to me that just because there is a gap between what I know now and the things I would like to know does not mean that the gap is failure - the gap is a growing space, a good place.
I realized that surrounding myself with people and experiences who have more knowledge and wisdom to share is probably a great place to be.
Living in a space where my world is expanding is not living in a place of failure.
I should be scared when I find myself in a place where I think I know everything and have it all figured out. Because I don’t, and I never will. Nobody can.
So maybe I’m not failing, maybe I’m actually doing the opposite...growing, learning, changing. And maybe it’s challenging and uncomfortable, but I think it’s the place I want to be.
And quite frankly I hope I am always in a place of developing...because there will ALWAYS be more to learn.
If you’re feeling like a failure today, reframe your thinking. Shift your mindset. You may find you’re in just the right place. And I guarantee you are doing much better than you think!
My white dress…and no, it’s not for a wedding
This is me at my white dress event in my mid twenties. I’m not getting married. Not even close. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
The 92nd Academy Awards
February 9th, 2020
I used to have this thing about formal white dresses. I didn’t want a white prom dress, or a long white dress for anything. I wanted to make my white dress debut on my wedding day that I would daydream and Pinterest about, because finding a man who loved me was of upmost importance to my younger self.
Little did I know how much my heart would change. Years later... This weekend the dress I ordered for the Oscars didn’t come in. My sister and I rushed to Nordstrom the night before and she found this dress within minutes. I loved it.
The next morning while she was getting me ready for one of the most exciting days of my life, my teenage white dress proposition came to mind. And it hit me.
Here I am, at 24, in a white dress, living out my wildest dreams, and it doesn’t involve a man, at all. Standing on my own two feet, stronger and more secure than I’ve ever been.
Walking towards my purpose, not a person. Whole and fulfilled on my own by the grace of God. This is what my heart truly needed. To love my reflection, discover who I am, restore my brokenness, and not wait for someone else to come along and take away my problems or fill my voids. More than finding the right person, I needed to become the person I wanted to be, aside from anyone else. And I’m proud of the woman staring back at me in that white dress. I have fought years to become her.
Maybe I’ll fall in love one day, maybe I won’t. Either way, I will live a completely full and thrilling life.
To those who ask why I’m not dating, there you have it. I am working on becoming her. There is still much to do. And she is worth it. I wouldn’t trade her for the world.
Wherever you are on your journey, whoever you are or aren’t with, I hope you know that you are infinitely valuable and loved, whole and equip with everything you need, inside of you.