My white dress…and no, it’s not for a wedding
This is me at my white dress event in my mid twenties. I’m not getting married. Not even close. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
The 92nd Academy Awards
February 9th, 2020
I used to have this thing about formal white dresses. I didn’t want a white prom dress, or a long white dress for anything. I wanted to make my white dress debut on my wedding day that I would daydream and Pinterest about, because finding a man who loved me was of upmost importance to my younger self.
Little did I know how much my heart would change. Years later... This weekend the dress I ordered for the Oscars didn’t come in. My sister and I rushed to Nordstrom the night before and she found this dress within minutes. I loved it.
The next morning while she was getting me ready for one of the most exciting days of my life, my teenage white dress proposition came to mind. And it hit me.
Here I am, at 24, in a white dress, living out my wildest dreams, and it doesn’t involve a man, at all. Standing on my own two feet, stronger and more secure than I’ve ever been.
Walking towards my purpose, not a person. Whole and fulfilled on my own by the grace of God. This is what my heart truly needed. To love my reflection, discover who I am, restore my brokenness, and not wait for someone else to come along and take away my problems or fill my voids. More than finding the right person, I needed to become the person I wanted to be, aside from anyone else. And I’m proud of the woman staring back at me in that white dress. I have fought years to become her.
Maybe I’ll fall in love one day, maybe I won’t. Either way, I will live a completely full and thrilling life.
To those who ask why I’m not dating, there you have it. I am working on becoming her. There is still much to do. And she is worth it. I wouldn’t trade her for the world.
Wherever you are on your journey, whoever you are or aren’t with, I hope you know that you are infinitely valuable and loved, whole and equip with everything you need, inside of you.